O Holy Cold Night!



BEFORE

The first day of winter is a week from now. But you wouldn’t know it here. It’s cold and bright and sunny. I’m determined to stay warm and I’m doing it with layers. Onions have layers, Ogre’s have layers and so do I! I was born in Michigan but moved here when I was six. I can still remember stepping off the back porch into snow so high it went over my head. I remember getting snowed in and watching my father dig us a tunnel to get out the front door. I moved down to Florida in December and when I stepped off the plane, the sun was shining and the sky was the truest blue I’d ever seen. I don’t think I got cold once that winter. But alas, my blood has thinned and 45 is way too cold for me and 25 (which is the low for tonight) is unimaginable. Now I know I’ll get a lot of flack from the poor peoples that live up north, u know who you are *smile*, because they’re dealing with blizzard weather. And I’ll probably deserve it. But it certainty won’t keep me warm tonight. Brrrrrrr!

AFTER

Moon Lake Mascot

I just wanted to introduce everyone to our little friend. We affectionately call Stumpee. He’s an armadillo, see his tail? Missing the end of it. Notice it’s daylight, armadillos are nocturnal with a few exceptions to cloudy days. Our Stumpee is always foraging during the day & night and just about anytime. When I trip over him in the yard, sometimes he scares me and sometimes I scare him. One time he ran head first into the shed, hard enough to knock himself senseless. There’s some damage to his armor too, looks like a gator got a hold of him. I don’t think he’s been the same since. He’s our “special” friend (read brain damaged). I like to think of him as the Moon Lake Mascot. Not that bright but somehow cute.

Happy Turkey Day from the Little White Devil

I plan on being to stuffed to blog tomorrow so I’m getting my holiday greetings in early. You’re probably wondering about the little white devil. Isn’t he sooo cute? Wait, is he wearing a pilgrim‘s hat? And what’s under his arm, is that a turkey? Yes. Somewhere along the production line a native american decided to make a statement in the form of a stuffed toy. One of my nieces gave this to me, it came out of a claw machine of all places. I think it’s freaking hilarious; a lot of my friends just don’t get it. But after being programmed in elementary school with construction paper turkey hands and thanksgiving pageants to believe we all just got along, I suppose I can’t blame them. As for me, in junior high when most kids were tuning out their history teachers I was listening with growing horror to the truth of what happened. Ever since I’ve been on the fence about thanksgiving. I like the holiday (love the food, yum), believe it’s a good thing to have a day just to be thankful for all u’ve got, but feel guilty for celebrating a holiday that to this day native americans protest. And who can blame them? If their ancestors had known how it would all turn out, I think it would have gone a little differently. More than likely the native’s would have been shooting arrows instead of sharing maize.
Happy Thanksgiving!

If Fish Had Fur

I was hanging out w/some friends in the swamp and the topic came up. I don’t remember where it started or how it ended but the meat of the conversation is still fresh enough to recall. Fishing is a past time of many a swamp lakean. It’s free and provides both benefits of entertainment and the honing of the lakean’s survival skills. As the wife of one, I’ve spent many countless nights on a fishing pier. The atrocities I have seen committed in the name of catching the big one are unparallel and as I pointed out to my friends, if fish had fur then every fisherman would be serving life for animal cruelty. Ask one and they’ll tell you the best bait is live bait. That one of the surest ways to catch a shark is to cut the tail off a bait fish and send it alive on the hook back into the water. Can u picture it? Now replace that image with a warm blooded mammal and all of a sudden you’ve got a felony. How bout catch and release? Imagine a hunter wounding a deer enough to bring down but not enough to kill then letting it loose again. Completely unacceptable, right? Not for our scaly friends. So the next time you see a cute kid with a fishing pole remember if fish had fur this kid would be a felon.

Baby sand shark abducted then released

Swamp Pics

I took a trek into the woods today to see what I could see and this is what I found.

The wind was kicking and as the trees cracked and popped around us, I found this fallen cypress.

Could this be the natural habitat of the Swamp Lakean? U be the judge.

Moon Lakeans

It takes a special breed of people to live’n thrive in the Lake. I don’t claim native status. Much like a Northerner that clings to their identity as a Yankee even though they’ve lived longer in Florida than anywhere else. With this simple guide to the mannerisms and markings of, u too can identify the various breeds of Moon Lakeans.
The Hick Lakean: This species can usually be spotted between noon and 3am lounging in a recliner on the porch of a double wide. A generic beer will be prominent in one hand, while a buffalo cigar droops from their mouth. Common mating call of the Hick Lakean: a sharp piercing whistle.
The WannabG Lakean: This breed can easily be identified by what they wear. Pant’s will be secured somewhere below the waist and knees, displaying a variety of colorful boxers. On their chest will be a white tank top (commonly known as the wife beater) decorated with various gold and silver chains. Common mating call of the WannabG “Wazzup dog.”
The Swamp Lakean: These original natives are rare and difficult to spot. This is do to the large amount of army fatigues they wear which allows them to blend into the foliage.  Characterized by the ability to name every plant, animal, and mythical monster that inhabits Moon Lake, these hardy species can survive in all conditions of weather, are able to track wild animals and can usually be spotted deep within the swamp. Common mating call of the Swamp Lakean: “I wanna check u for ticks.”
So grab a camera and armed with these rules of thumb, find your own Moon Lakean.

U must brave the dawn to catch a glimpse of the endangered Swamp Lakean.

The Swamp Life's Little Suprises

My husband walks into the house this morning proclaiming there’s a possum sleeping in our garbage. I’m not really fazed by the news, after all it’s happened before. As I begin to message my friend about our little house guest. I’m struck by an insight, grab the camera and get a pic. This is perfect fodder for the blog.
So without further adieu I present the marsupial in our trash.

 

Happy Halloween

As the day begins and people rush around with last minute preparations, buying candy and finishing customs. I sit back and relax, knowing that no one will be venturing into my yard to trick or treat at my door. It isn’t just my place either. Very few parents will be letting their children canvas the neighborhood (Moon Lake). Dodging drunk drivers and hostile dogs is no way to spend Halloween. And not exactly safe. We’ll take the nephews to a better place, where there are sidewalks and houses in neat little rows. And later tonight I’ll celebrate the holiday the way my great greats’ did. By saying goodbye to lost loved ones and hello to the Celtic new year. Of course, I also have my own personal ritual of gorging on candy corn and sixlets.
Have a safe and happy Halloween.

Things to Do in the Swamp

What is there to do? Not much so one has to be creative. Which basically means I spend a lot of time writing, reading and playing insanely complicated internet rpg games. Yes, it may sound pathetic and ok it is but hey what do u expect when u move to a place w/no nightlife unless you count the armadillos, possums, and raccoons. And don’t forget the frogs. On a rainy night, their endless croaking drowns out the tv and drives me to a point where I’m yelling at them to shut up, while my husband (who‘s lived here his entire life) sits beside me telling me that he thinks the sound is soothing. Then there’s always bird watching. Which brings me to the pic above, that’s a hawk and seeing it land on my powerline then swoop down to catch mice is definitely a highlight of Living the Swamp Life.

The Elusive Beaches of Paradise

They‘re there, you just gotta know where to look. I live on the Gulf side of FL on the Nature Coast. This is exactly as it sounds (no false advertising here). If you love marshes full of birds of every size and shape, turtles, and manatees then you’re good to go. But if you’re searching for the elusive beaches of paradise, try further south. Pasco county, my county is just north of the Florida Palm Tree equator. Which is marked by the existence of natural palm trees. Now don’t be fooled by the trees planted in neat rows in front of subdivisions named Tropical Breeze. South of the equator you can find those amazing, a little bit of god’s magic, aquamarine jewels. The closest I’ve come to post card perfection is Fort Desoto Beach (keep in mind here that I’ve never been to the Keys). And if you’re reading this in front of a pc in FL and have never been there. Stop! Back away from the computer. Strap in the significant other; kids, spouse, whatever, into the car and go. Now is the perfect time, wait one or two more weeks and our thin Floridian blood won’t take the cold.
Well that’s all I got today. So until next time: Keep on Keeping on.

Stuff You Should Know

For those of us who might never have visited this great state of Florida aka: the sunshine state. There are a few things you should know before you belt your boogie boards and bikes to the SUV rack and race down here.
One: The sunshine state is a pretty ambitious name for a place that has rain everyday like clockwork three months out of the year. Yes, there is sun, lots and lots of sun but mix that with a 90+% of humidity and you’ve got one hot sticky mess. But if you’re still determined to see the Disney state, head down here in spring or fall and you’ll get your money’s worth. But don’t decide to stay, trust me. Florida is like that giant sand trap on a golf course, once you get stuck in it, you’ll never get your ball rolling again.
Well that’s all the time I’ve got today folks. So have a Good Morning, and in case I don’t see you; Good Afternoon, Good Evening, & Good Night.

Life in a Florida Swamp

Yes I live in a swamp. But no I don’t live in a tree or hut or wigwam. I have electricity and the internet (obviously). In fact, I have neighbors and live in a subdivision called “Moon Lake Estates” But using the words Subdivision and Estate to describe Moon Lake is the equivalent of calling Paris Hilton an accomplished actress. My property is on a corner lot, on one side of me is a street of low rent trailers full of pill pushers, poppers and those unfortunate enough to believe that the price of rent is worth dealing with them. On the right, is an amazing swamp that stretches for miles full of deer, wild boar and yes the occasional Gator. Depravity and Nature, who could ask for anything more?
Interested? Would you like to know more? Stay tuned for the next installment of Living the Swamp Life.